When asked about the reason for our meeting she admitted not to starting the volunteer graduation requirement. After assuring her that she was not the only one; Linda teared-up whispering “I just don’t want to be with anyone else…I guess I’m depressed?”

Me: “Really? So, what do you do for fun?”

L: “I don’t know.” (Normally I would jump all over this because of many avoidance issues; but I needed to change the mood ASAP.)

Me: “OK, let’s say you were bummed out about something…what would you do to feel better?

L: “I wouldn’t do drugs if that’s what you’re thinking!”

Me: “Well, I wasn’t but let's talk about the last time you were depressed ``. What got you down?”

L: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “If that is true it must not have been a major life trauma? So what do you have to look forward to for the day, week, month or even year? L. “What?” Me: “OK, think hard and take as long as you need...I’ll just be sitting here getting older and even more senile!” (A slight smile appears on Linda’s face.)

L: “So how old are you really?”

Me: “Old enough to no longer lie about my age...75 and a half”

L: “You’re funny.”

Me: “Funny Ha Ha or funny weird?”

L: “Both” (She is now actually looking at me and smiling) (Seizing the moment I slip back into counselor mode)

Me: “You mentioned earlier about feeling depressed. How bad does it get?)

L: “Are you asking about suicide?”

Me: (slightly taken aback) “Ah...Well not really but do you have thoughts about it? (Notice how I didn’t mention the “S” word and I’m not sure why not.)

L: “I tried to kill myself twice, but all my “friends” said I was just trying to get attention…

Me: “You have better ways than that to gain attention, right?” A friend of mine says that ““Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem””. Thinking back over your High School career so far; How did you receive attention without harming yourself?

L: “I’m in a marching band and we got to play at the Coliseum. Thousands of people were yelling and cheering. Kinda cool!”

Me: “I get chills just thinking about it! How can you capture that feeling again?

L: “You’re trying to get me to come up with a community service volunteer plan huh?”

Me: “And the smart money says that you will. When did you first start playing a musical instrument?”

L: “In 6th grade.”

Me: “Did you know that elementary music programs have been cut from the budget?”

L: “That sucks!”

Me: “Boy howdy: like sports, music is one of the activities that keeps kids in school.” (short reflective pause)

L: “I’ll bet you think I might be able to get service volunteer hours in my old elementary school, don’t you?” Me: More importantly YOU thought of it. By the way; that’s not something a clinically depressed person would think about ... YEAH, YOU!!!!! FOLLOW UP:

Linda contacted her elementary school principal and volunteered to teach the recorder, (that little wooden horn-like gadget that sounds like a cat being drug backwards through a knot hole in a fence) teaching her “students” how to read music.

Her high school band teacher let her skip class on Monday because they usually worked on advancement and she was the first chair in just about any instrument. This allowed her to have a three-hour break including lunch; plenty of time to travel and teach her class. She appeared on a video we shot for a Stanford University service-learning grant that we won.

Along with Linda’s testimony we filmed a tearful parent who was so grateful that Linda could provide music instruction to parents who can’t afford it.

Linda was notably touched by the parent’s gratitude. Linda quote on video: “When I got depressed, I knew that I couldn’t kill myself because I didn’t want to bum out the fifth graders...they needed my help to learn music.” It’s become obvious that students and for that matter, adults who feel needed, and present as being somewhat rational, are less likely to act on suicidal thoughts. When others rely and depend upon our attendance in their lives it increases our desire to live. Not all stories end this well!

Another suicide story involved a 17-year-old young man who had a long history of physical abuse at the hands of his father. Dad was a retired Marine officer who, understandably, was harsh and demanding. His only son received a “D” for a semester science class and lied to his father about it. When his father found out there was going to be hell to pay.

As father was entering the front door in fully yelling mode, he heard a muffled retort coming from the bathroom. His search ended when pounding on the locked door didn’t result in a sheepish son coming out to receive his punishment.

An angry father kicked in the door revealing a bloody pillow and his service revolver clutched in his son’s hand. I didn’t have the opportunity to speak with the father but word around the school was that he was consumed with guilt and remorse, as could be expected.

The scuttlebutt in the faculty lounge was that he was drinking himself into a permanent stupor refusing any condolences from family or friends. The father was certainly a candidate for prolonged grief counseling, but I transferred to another high school and never heard about what happened. In an attempt to “turn lemons into lemon-aide”; I would share this story with parents whose tendencies would lean toward over the top anger and discipline of their offspring.